That's when you crack a 10am beer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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