I want to stick my p in your. b.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Come on in and take your pants off
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