we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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