so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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