so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Still dying that you shit outside
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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