he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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