Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
