I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
