$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
