I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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