you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Randomize
