All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
