1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
