so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
