Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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