My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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