i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
