I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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