Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
