that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
