my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
