he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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