Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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