I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
