fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
