I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
