She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
