All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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