This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
