No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
