It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
