I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
