idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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