We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
