so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
