Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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