he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
