I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
