It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
