My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I would ride that face into the sunset
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
