i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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