So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
