If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize