our cab driver is having phone sex.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
