Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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