at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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