My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
