My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
