Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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