Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
