After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
