I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
