i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
