Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i now understand why vodka
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
