brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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