I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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