Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
