She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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