he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
