I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
